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Losing your job, though initially disheartening, can often be a hidden blessing. It forces individuals out of their comfort zones, opening doors to new opportunities and personal growth that may not have been considered otherwise. Many professionals get stuck in a routine, prioritizing security over fulfillment, and a job loss serves as a pivotal moment to reassess career aspirations and life goals.

One of the key benefits is self-reflection. Without the daily grind, people are encouraged to take stock of their skills, strengths, and passions. It allows for honest evaluation of whether their previous role aligned with their long-term ambitions. This break can often lead to discovering a career path that’s more aligned with personal values and interests, sparking renewed enthusiasm and motivation.

Job loss also drives innovation. Out of necessity, individuals may explore entrepreneurial ventures, freelance work, or consultative roles they wouldn’t have pursued otherwise. Many success stories begin with a setback, where individuals had no choice but to reimagine their professional trajectory. Being thrust into uncertainty encourages resilience, resourcefulness, and adaptability — qualities highly sought after in today’s fast-evolving workforce.

Another important factor is the opportunity to learn new skills. With technology rapidly transforming industries, losing a job can act as a catalyst for upskilling. Instead of viewing the job market as a challenge, many see it as a chance to enroll in courses, attend workshops, and refine their expertise in areas that are currently in demand. This increases employability and can result in better opportunities down the road.

Finally, losing a job often leads to a stronger network. Job seekers are encouraged to reach out to contacts, attend networking events, and build relationships within their industry, which can result in better prospects or even unexpected collaborations.

In short, while losing a job may feel like a setback, it often serves as a launching pad for growth, reinvention, and even greater success.

FOUNDER

Career Network Club

When seeking mid to senior professional roles, one of the most overlooked qualities is emotional intelligene (EQ). Often, candidates and recruiters focus on technical skills, experience, and leadership abilities, but emotional intelligence plays a pivotal role in determining a professional’s success at higher levels of responsibility.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of others. In mid to senior roles, where leadership, strategic decision-making, and team dynamics are crucial, EQ becomes a distinguishing factor that sets exceptional leaders apart from merely competent ones.

Leaders with strong emotional intelligence create environments of trust and open communication, allowing their teams to thrive. They can navigate high-pressure situations, balancing empathy with accountability. This skill is especially valuable in today’s rapidly changing work environment, where adaptability and the ability to lead through uncertainty are critical.

However, emotional intelligence is often undervalued or misunderstood. Hiring managers may prioritize technical expertise or years of experience over EQ, assuming that interpersonal skills can be learned on the job. But professionals who lack emotional intelligence often struggle with team dynamics, mismanage conflicts, or fail to inspire loyalty, which can lead to turnover or poor team performance.

For candidates, showcasing emotional intelligence in interviews and throughout the hiring process can make a significant impact. Discussing how you’ve successfully led diverse teams, resolved conflicts, or adapted during challenging times can demonstrate your EQ in action. It’s important to share not only what you achieved but how you achieved it — particularly in terms of fostering collaboration, motivating teams, or managing emotional complexities in the workplace.

In short, while technical skills and experience are essential, emotional intelligence is the often-overlooked quality that can make the biggest difference in a mid to senior professional role. Leaders who can connect with, inspire, and manage others are the ones who truly thrive at higher levels.

Curt Skene
FOUNDER
Career Network Club (CNC)

Many professionals mistakenly believe that their resume is the key to landing a job. They spend hours tweaking every line, adjusting the margins, and adding the perfect amount of keywords, thinking it’s their ticket to success. But here’s the truth: your resume is not a sales strategy. In fact, if you think that your resume alone will secure your next position, you're looking at the job search process backward.

The real secret? Your goal is to excite people to want to see your resume.

Let’s break this down.

1. Your Resume is a Tool, Not the Strategy

Your resume is simply a document. It’s a snapshot of your career history, skills, and accomplishments—but it is passive. It sits in a stack or a digital inbox, waiting to be opened. By itself, it can’t sell you, it can’t express your enthusiasm, and it definitely doesn’t replace personal engagement.

Many job seekers spend too much time polishing their resumes while missing the crucial point: your resume is there to support you, not to define you. If you're relying on it to get you in the door, you're likely missing out on opportunities that require a more proactive approach.

2. First, Build Excitement

Before anyone ever looks at your resume, they should already be excited to know more about you. Think about it: when someone is genuinely interested in you, they're more likely to look at your resume with a favorable mindset.

How do you build that excitement?

• Network: The majority of hires happen through networking, not resumes. Build genuine connections, attend industry events, and connect on platforms like LinkedIn.
• Create Value: Share your expertise, post thoughtful content online, offer advice to those in your industry, or mentor others. Becoming a thought leader or someone who provides value will make people want to know more about you.
• Direct Outreach: Don’t wait for job postings. Reach out to companies you admire, share why you're passionate about their mission, and explain how you can help solve their problems. This generates curiosity about you long before your resume enters the picture.

3. The Power of the Personal Brand

Your personal brand is a far more effective strategy than simply submitting a resume. It's the sum of your reputation, your expertise, and the way you make others feel when they interact with you.

• Online Presence: Your LinkedIn profile, personal website, or portfolio can speak volumes. Highlight your achievements, share articles, and provide insights that make people take notice.
• Referrals and Recommendations: When someone vouches for you, that endorsement is more powerful than any resume. A recommendation from a respected professional can fast-track your application to the top of the pile.

Think of it this way: if someone hears about you from a trusted source or sees you actively contributing to discussions in your field, they’ll want to know more. Your resume, in that case, becomes a formality rather than the deciding factor.

4. Your Story is More Powerful than a List of Skills

At its core, job searching is about telling your story in a way that connects with potential employers. Your resume lists your skills, but it doesn't explain the why behind them. It doesn't tell them how you overcame challenges or how you’ve made a difference in previous roles.

When you meet someone or communicate with a hiring manager, you have the opportunity to share your journey, your passion, and your vision. That’s how you make a lasting impression. Your resume may reflect your journey, but it’s the story behind those experiences that people remember.

5. Stop Selling. Start Building Relationships.

The best way to approach your job search is not as a sales pitch but as an opportunity to build relationships. Job seekers often feel pressure to “sell” themselves, and while you should be showcasing your strengths, it’s more important to focus on how you can provide value to others.

• Ask questions: Show genuine interest in the companies and the people you engage with.
• Listen: Pay attention to their needs and priorities. Tailor your message to how you can meet those needs.
• Be yourself: Authenticity will always outshine a perfectly worded resume. People want to hire real humans, not bullet points.

6. The Resume as a Supporting Document

Once you’ve excited someone enough to request your resume, that’s when it shines. Your resume should back up everything you've already communicated—your passion, your skills, and your potential to contribute. The reader should feel like they already know you and that the resume is simply reinforcing the impression you’ve made.

Think of it like this: your resume is the icing, but you are the cake. People want to see the cake first; they want to know it’s something they’d like to bite into. The icing just seals the deal.

Final Thoughts: Make Them Want More

So, stop thinking that your resume is a sales strategy. It’s an essential part of your job search toolkit, but it’s not the whole story. The best strategy is to build excitement and curiosity around who you are, what you can do, and how you can make an impact. When people are excited about you, they’ll ask for your resume.

And by the time they see it, they’ll already be halfway convinced you’re the right fit.

Curt Skene
FOUNDER
Career Network Club

The concept of "above the fold" isn't just for websites—it's crucial for resumes too. The top third of your resume, the area immediately visible without scrolling or turning the page, is prime real estate that shapes the first impression a potential employer has of you.

Why It Matters:

1. First Impressions: Recruiters often spend only a few seconds scanning a resume before deciding whether to continue reading. The content above the fold should quickly communicate who you are, your most relevant skills, and your career achievements.

2. Capturing Attention: A well-crafted headline, a strong professional summary, and key accomplishments placed above the fold can grab attention and differentiate you from other candidates. This is your chance to make a compelling case for why you're the right fit for the job.

3. Guiding the Reader: By strategically placing your most impactful information above the fold, you guide the recruiter’s eye to what matters most. This helps ensure that your strongest qualifications aren't overlooked.

4. Setting the Tone: The top section of your resume sets the tone for the rest of the document. It should reflect your professionalism, attention to detail, and relevance to the job you're applying for.

In summary, writing above the fold on your resume is essential for making a strong first impression, capturing a recruiter's attention, and effectively communicating your most important qualifications.

Curt Skene
Founder
CAREER NETWORK CLUB

The North American job market in 2024 shows a mix of resilience and challenges, with significant trends shaping its outlook.

In the U.S., the job market continues to evolve despite economic uncertainties. There is a strong shift towards hybrid and onsite work models as companies seek to balance employee preferences for flexibility with the benefits of in-person collaboration. This has led to a resurgence in demand for jobs that support onsite work, such as facilities management and onsite services. The market remains dynamic, with employers adapting to economic pressures like persistent inflation and geopolitical conflicts. However, the risk of a recession remains low, and employment opportunities are expected to stay robust, especially as technology and AI continue to influence job creation and productivity

In Canada, the job market outlook is equally positive, with job seeker confidence returning to pre-pandemic levels. Many professionals are actively seeking new opportunities, driven by a desire for career growth, stability, and better work-life balance. The Canadian market has seen a significant transformation, with a focus on hybrid work environments, competitive compensation, and meaningful work experiences. This has created a favorable environment for job seekers, especially those with in-demand skills​(English).

Overall, both the U.S. and Canadian job markets are expected to offer numerous opportunities in 2024, although navigating them will require awareness of the evolving trends and economic conditions.

Curt Skene
Founder
CAREER NETWORK CLUB

In our professional lives, the mindset we adopt can significantly impact our success and overall well-being. Constructive thinking and destructive thinking are two contrasting approaches that shape our experiences and outcomes.

Constructive Thinking: Constructive thinking involves a positive and solution-oriented mindset. It focuses on finding opportunities, learning from challenges, and maintaining a growth perspective. When faced with obstacles, constructive thinkers ask, "What can I learn from this?" or "How can I improve?" They see setbacks as temporary and believe in their ability to overcome them through effort and perseverance. This mindset fosters resilience, innovation, and continuous personal and professional development.

Destructive Thinking: Destructive thinking, on the other hand, is characterized by negativity and self-doubt. It often involves fixating on problems without seeking solutions and interpreting setbacks as personal failures. Destructive thinkers may dwell on their perceived inadequacies and limitations, which can lead to stress, anxiety, and a diminished sense of self-worth. This mindset hinders progress and can create a cycle of defeatism.

By cultivating constructive thinking, we can transform challenges into stepping stones and unlock our full potential. Let's embrace positivity, seek solutions, and view every experience as an opportunity for growth. The difference between success and stagnation often lies in the thoughts we choose to nurture.

Curt Skene
FOUNDER
Career Network Club

In a competitive job market, the pursuit of a fulfilling career demands more than a polished resume or a list of qualifications. Securing the perfect role requires a strategic approach that goes beyond the conventional norms. To truly stand out and excel in your job search, focusing on four key elements can make all the difference.

1. Embrace the Power of Networking

One fundamental aspect that significantly contributes to job search success is networking. Statistics reveal that over 70% of jobs are found through networking channels. It's not just about attending events or connecting on LinkedIn; it's about cultivating meaningful relationships.

Networking transcends mere transactions; it's about establishing genuine connections and fostering mutually beneficial relationships. Engaging with professionals in your field, participating in industry-related discussions, and being proactive in seeking mentorship can open doors that might not even appear on job boards.

2. Define Your Unique Value Proposition

A crucial step toward job search success is knowing yourself impeccably well. Being clear on who you are, the value you bring, and why a potential employer should care about your contributions forms the bedrock of your job search strategy.

Crafting a compelling personal brand statement that succinctly encapsulates your skills, experiences, and unique strengths is pivotal. Understanding your unique selling points and how they align with the needs of prospective employers enables you to present a cohesive narrative that resonates powerfully during interviews and networking interactions.

3. Solve Business Problems Effectively

It's not enough to know your own value; understanding the challenges and needs of potential employers is equally vital. Prospective employers are seeking problem solvers who can alleviate their pain points and contribute to their organizational success.

Researching the industry, staying updated on market trends, and comprehending the specific challenges a company might face arms you with valuable insights. By showcasing how your skills and expertise directly address those challenges, you demonstrate your potential value as a solution-oriented asset to the organization.

4. Stand Out Creatively

In a sea of applicants vying for the same positions, differentiation is key. Over a hundred competitors might possess similar qualifications, making it imperative to find innovative ways to stand out.

Creative strategies can include crafting a unique portfolio, designing interactive resumes or websites, or leveraging unconventional channels to showcase your skills. An out-of-the-box approach demonstrates not only your creativity but also your enthusiasm and commitment to going above and beyond expectations.

Mastering these four pillars—networking, self-awareness, problem-solving prowess, and creative differentiation—paves the way for unparalleled success in your job search. It's the amalgamation of these elements that sets you apart as a candidate who not only meets the requirements but exceeds expectations, making you an irresistible prospect for potential employers.

Remember, the job search journey is not solely about securing a position; it's about finding a role where your skills align with your passions, contributing meaningfully to both your professional growth and the organization’s success. By embracing these strategies wholeheartedly, you position yourself not just as a job seeker but as a valuable asset, destined for success in your chosen career path.

Curt Skene
Founder
Career Network Club

Losing a job can be a jolting experience for anyone, especially for business professionals who've dedicated time and effort to their careers. It's a period marked by uncertainty, stress, and often a sense of loss. Yet, amidst the upheaval, there's an important message to remember: most professionals who face job loss end up in a better place.

In the realm of business, job loss isn't uncommon. It can stem from various factors: company restructuring, economic downturns, technological shifts, or even personal choices. Regardless of the cause, accepting job loss is a crucial step in moving forward. It's an opportunity for growth, learning, and ultimately, a chance to land in a better professional space.

Initially, the shock of losing a job can be overwhelming. It's normal to feel a mix of emotions—disappointment, anxiety, and perhaps even a blow to one's self-esteem. However, it's essential to channel these feelings into a constructive mindset. Embrace the transition as a chance to recalibrate, reassess goals, and explore new opportunities.

For many professionals, job loss serves as a catalyst for personal and career development. It pushes individuals out of their comfort zones, encouraging them to explore uncharted territories and discover untapped potential. It might mean considering a different industry, starting a new venture, or upgrading skills through further education or certifications.

Networking becomes an invaluable asset during this period. Reaching out to former colleagues, mentors, or industry connections can unearth hidden opportunities. Networking isn't just about job hunting; it's about building relationships that can lead to collaborations, partnerships, or even mentorship that fosters professional growth.

Moreover, job loss can prompt the discovery of passions and interests that were previously overshadowed by routine. Many professionals find themselves exploring entrepreneurial endeavors or freelance work, leveraging their expertise in innovative ways. This newfound freedom allows for experimentation, paving the way to a more fulfilling career path.

It's also essential to take this transitional period as an opportunity for self-reflection. Assessing strengths, weaknesses, and personal aspirations can help in aligning career trajectories with individual values and ambitions. Sometimes, a job loss can redirect a professional towards a path that resonates more deeply, leading to a more satisfying and purpose-driven career.

In the grand scheme, history is replete with stories of individuals who turned job loss into a launchpad for success. From Walt Disney to Steve Jobs, many renowned figures faced setbacks before achieving monumental success. Their stories serve as reminders that setbacks often pave the way for greater accomplishments.

As a business professional navigating job loss, it's crucial to maintain resilience, optimism, and a proactive approach. Embrace the change, focus on personal and professional growth, and remain open to new opportunities. Remember, this period of transition is merely a chapter in the larger narrative of one's career journey. With perseverance and the right mindset, most professionals not only recover but also thrive in a better, more fulfilling professional space.

Curt Skene
Founder
Career Network Club

What positive improvement would you like to make in your life? Perhaps you wish to consume healthier. Maybe you want to read more books, understand a new language, or master the clarinet. Whatever modifications you'd like to make, actually making them and adhering to them is much easier said than done. Just intending to consume more salad does not in fact imply you will. Just saying you'll learn more books doesn't indicate you'll get War and Peace instead of binging Netflix.

However, that's where habits come in.

In this short article, I'm going to take you through the bottom lines of James Clear's best-seller Atomic Habits.

Together, we're going to discover that the secret to making big changes in your life does not have to include significant upheaval; you don't require to revolutionize your behavior or reinvent yourself. Rather, you can make tiny modifications to your behavior, which, when duplicated time and time again, will become routines that can generate big outcomes.

Idea 1

Small routines can have a remarkably powerful impact on your life.

To kick things off, I want you to envision an airplane preparing to take off from Los Angeles. The airplane's location is in New York City. The pilot inputs all the appropriate information into the plane's computer, and the airplane takes off heading in the right direction. Now imagine that, not long after takeoff, the pilot mistakenly changes the flight path a little. He only alters it by 3.5 degrees-- which is pretty much nothing, simply a couple of feet. The aircraft's nose shifts a little to one side, and no one-- not the pilot, not the passengers-- knows anything.

However, over the journey throughout the United States, the impact of this minor modification would be substantial. At the end of their journey, the confused passengers-- and a lot more confused pilot-- would find themselves landing in Washington DC, not New York City.

So, why am I telling you this?

It's because-- much like the confused pilot-- we don't notice small modifications in our lives. Small changes leave a negligible immediate effect. If you are out of shape today and go for a 20-minute jog, you'll still be out of shape tomorrow. If you eat a family-size pizza for dinner, it won't make you obese overnight.

But if we duplicate these little behaviors day after day, our options intensify into significant results. Eat pizza every day, and you will likely have actually acquired significant weight after a year. Go jogging for 20 minutes every day, and you'll become leaner and fitter, although you will not discover the modification occurring.

You've most likely worked out the primary insight here: it's that small habits can have a remarkably effective impact on your life-- and you won't necessarily see this effect taking place in real-time. You'll only see the results of your practices after a while.

Now, we understand that not seeing the impact of your efforts can be dispiriting. If this is presenting itself to you-- if you're feeling dissuaded by the absence of instant positive modification-- then it's important to try to concentrate on your current trajectory instead of your existing outcomes.

Let's say you have a little deposit. However, you are saving something every month. Your current results may not be that excellent-- your nest egg is still pretty small. But you can be confident that your trajectory is right. Keep proceeding in this direction and, in a couple of months or a couple of years, you will observe a significant improvement. When the lack of perceived development gets you down, remember that you're doing the ideal things and that you're moving in the right instructions.

However, how do you get on the right trajectory? You desire to develop practices. In the next point, we'll find out how they are constructed.

 

Idea 2

Routines are automated actions that we've gained from experience.

When you walk into a dark room, you don't think of what to do next; you instinctively grab a light switch. Getting a light switch is a routine-- it's a behavior that you've duplicated numerous times that it now takes place automatically.

Practices like this dominate our lives, from brushing our teeth to driving our automobiles. They are profoundly powerful.

But how are they formed?

In the 19th century, a psychologist named Edward Thorndike attempted to address this concern. First, he put some cats inside a black box. Then, he timed the length of time it took them to get away. To start with, each cat acted exactly as you'd expect when placed inside a box. It desperately looked for a way of escape. It sniffed and pawed at the corners; it clawed at the walls. Ultimately, the cat would find a lever that, when pushed, would open a door, enabling it to leave.

Thorndike then took the cats that'd successfully gotten away and repeated the experiment: he positioned them back inside the box. And what did he discover? After being put in the box a couple of times, each cat found out the technique. Instead of scrambling around for a minute or more, the cats went straight for the lever. After 20 or 30 efforts, the average cat could escape in simply six seconds.

Simply put, the process of getting out of the box had actually ended up being habitual for the felines.

With his experiment, Thorndike had actually found something important: habits that provide pleasing effects-- in this case, acquiring freedom-- tend to be repeated till they end up being automated.

We have actually learned a lot more about routines in the years after Thorndike's experiment. We now understand that practices are comprised of 4 unique elements.

First, there's the cue, or a trigger to act. Walking into a dark room cues you to perform an action that will allow you to see. Then comes a yearning for a change in the circumstances-- in this case, from darkness to light. Then comes an action, or action-- flicking the light switch. The final step in the process, and the end goal of every routine, is the reward. In this case, it's the feeling of moderate relief and convenience that originates from being able to see your environment.

Every routine follows the exact same process. Do you consume coffee every early morning? Awakening is your hint, setting off a craving to feel alert. Your action is to drag yourself out of bed and make a cup of joe.

Your benefit is feeling large awake and ready to face the world.

OK, now that you have a concept of how practices work, let's take a look at how you can develop good routines that can transform your life for the better.

Idea 3

Building new habits requires hard-to-miss cues and a strategy.

We have actually just explored how habits are formed. Let's briefly recap. A habit is composed of 4 things: a cue-- a trigger that gets you to act; a yearning-- a desire you wish to achieve; a reaction-- the action of the habit itself; and a reward-- the good feeling you experience from performing the habit.

Once you understand how they work, you can begin to hack the habit-forming procedure to get excellent, efficient habits to stick.

Let's say you're determined to learn the guitar. You've got your instrument, and you've picked up the essentials, but you have a hard time keeping up with training. Each morning, you tell yourself that you'll practice later, but the end of the day quickly comes, and you haven't picked up your guitar once.

Now that you understand the tricks to creating a habit, you can utilize it to your advantage. In this case, you wish to make the cue to pick up your guitar difficult to miss. Instead of keeping your instrument in the cupboard or in the corner of your spare room, leave it right in the middle of your living room-- in full view. Make your cue visible and unmissable; this will make it much easier to turn your desire to practice into a habit.

Reforming your environment to put your cues front and center will assist, but if you wish to refine your triggers all the more, you can use what's called implementation intentions. What are these?

When it pertains to setting good habits, the majority of us tend to be too unclear about our intentions. We say, "I'm going to eat better," or "I'm going to learn guitar." And we just hope that we'll follow through.

An implementation intention can assist us to move beyond the vague intention. Implementation intentions present a clear plan of action; they help you set out when and where you'll carry out the habit you want to cultivate.

OK, let's go back to our guitar example. Instead of telling yourself that "you're going to practice guitar sometime this week," say to yourself, "On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, when the alarm goes off, the first thing I'll do is pick up my guitar and practice for one hour." And do not forget to leave your guitar in the middle of the room.

By establishing an implementation intention, you'll give yourself both a clear strategy and an apparent clue, and it may amaze you how much easier it will be to create a favorable habit.

Let's take a little pause in our expedition here.

You might be wondering, this all sounds quite possible, however, does it truly work? Can I actually modify my environment and make it effortless to form favorable habits? Sounds good on paper? In practice?

To answer the question, let's look at the work of Anne Thorndike, a doctor based in Boston, and in case you're being curious, she isn't related to the cat lover, Edward Thorndike. Dr. Anne Thorndike dealt with a problem most health pros face: she wanted to help her clients enhance their diet plans and their snacking habits. She likewise knew that making a mindful choice to eat healthier can be tough. It takes a lot of willpower and discipline-- and not everybody has endless supplies of willpower and discipline.

Anne Thorndike and her associates designed a test. As part of the experiment, she had the hospital cafeteria reorganized. The soda in the refrigerators beside the cash registers was replaced with bottled water, and baskets of bottled water were positioned all around the lunchroom. Dr. Thorndike and the group then watched to see what would happen.

And what do you think occurred? Well, over 3 months, soda sales fell by 11 percent, and water sales soared by over 25 percent. Merely by creating more cues for individuals to drink water, Dr. Thorndike and her team were able to get people to make the much healthier choice.

In other words, they managed to assist individuals to establish better habits, without pushing them to make a conscious decision to do so. Clear proof that modifying your environment can help you embrace much better habits.

 

Idea 4

Humans are motivated by the anticipation of benefit, so making habits attractive will help you stick to them.

We're now about halfway through our exploration of Atomic Habits. We've looked at how powerful habits are, how they are made, and how you can utilize habit cues to your advantage.

Now, it's time to talk about the benefits side of habit structure.

In 1954, neuroscientists James Olds and Peter Milner ran an experiment to look into the neuroscience behind desire. Utilizing electrodes, they obstructed the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine in some rats. The results were unexpected; the lab rats simply lost the will to live. Without dopamine, they had no desire to eat, drink, procreate or do anything else. Just a few days later, they all died of thirst.

This rather troubling story tells us one thing: dopamine is a vital motivator. When we do something helpful for our survival-- eating, drinking, having sex-- dopamine is released, and we feel good. This sensation of satisfaction motivates us to do helpful actions again and again.

So far, so clear. But what does this have to do with habit-building?

Well, we do not in fact have to do the satisfying activity to get the hit of dopamine. The very anticipation of doing something pleasant is enough to get the dopamine streaming. In the brain's reward system, wanting something is on par with getting something!

We can turn this to our advantage. When developing our brand-new habit, if we make it something we anticipate, we'll be far more likely to follow through and actually do it.

Here's where I'd like to introduce you to the idea of temptation bundling. Temptation bundling is where you take a behavior that you consider essential but unpleasant and link it to a behavior that you're drawn to. This is how you can use dopamine to your advantage when building a brand-new habit.

Consider the story of Ronan Byrne, an engineering student from Ireland. Ronan knew he ought to exercise more, but he got little pleasure from exercising. On the other hand, he did enjoy watching Netflix. So Ronan hacked an exercise bike. He linked the bike to his laptop and wrote some code that only allowed Netflix to run if he was cycling at a specific speed. By linking exercise to something that he was naturally drawn to, he transformed a distasteful activity into an enjoyable one.

You do not need to engineer a complicated Netflix/exercise bike contraption to apply this to your own life. There are simpler methods to do this. For example, if you require to work out, however, you want to catch up on the most recent A-list gossip, you could commit to only reading magazines while at the gym. Or if you wish to watch sports, but really need to make sales calls, promise yourself a half-hour of ESPN after you talk to your tenth prospect.

Just find a method of making those unappealing but essential tasks satisfying, and you'll be surfing a wave of dopamine, and developing favorable habits, at the same time.

 

Idea 5

If you wish to establish a new habit, make that habit as easy to embrace as possible.

Making a habit pleasant is a guaranteed way to make it stick. Another way we can hack the habit-building process is to make it simple.

Easy behaviors dominate our lives. We scroll through social networks or chomp through a bag of potato chips due to the fact that these are easy things to do. On the other hand, doing a hundred push-ups or studying Mandarin are both pretty difficult and take a lot of effort. This is why we don't discover ourselves drawn to intensive exercise or language learning in our leisure.

By making our desired behaviors as simple as possible, we stand the very best possibility of turning them into a habit. And fortunately, there are numerous methods we can make this occur.

The first way is by cutting down friction. Here's what it means.

James Clear has always been hopeless at sending out greeting cards. His wife, however, never misses an event to send a card. And there's a clear factor for this. She keeps a box of greeting cards in the house, presorted by occasion. This little bit of preparation makes it much easier to send out congratulations or condolences or whatever is required. She doesn't have to go out and buy a card when somebody gets married or gets a new job, and this reduces the friction involved in sending one.

Friction is a two-way process. You can reduce friction to turn a useful behavior into a habit, but you can likewise increase friction if you want to kill a bad habit.

If you desire to waste less time in front of the Television, unplug it and take the batteries out of the remote. This will introduce enough friction to ensure you only watch when you really want to.

That's friction. The 2nd technique for making a habit easier in the long term is what's known as the two-minute rule. This is a way to make any new activity feel workable. The concept is that any behavior can be distilled into a habit that is achievable within 2 minutes. So, if you want to read more, do not devote yourself to reading one book each week. Instead, make a habit of reading two pages per night.

Or, if you want to run a marathon, dedicate yourself to simply putting on your running gear every day after work.

The two-minute rule is a way to develop easily achievable habits-- small achievements that can lead you to higher things. Once you've pulled on your running shoes, you'll probably head out for a run. As soon as you have actually read 2 pages, you'll likely continue. Simply getting started is the very first and crucial step toward doing something.

 

Idea 6.

Making your habits immediately pleasing is necessary for effective behavior change.

We're getting closer to the end now. But before we're done, let's discuss the final rule for utilizing habits to enhance your life. And to do this, we need a story. It's the story of a very successful public-health scientist called Stephen Luby.

Back in the 1990s, Luby was working in a neighborhood of Karachi, Pakistan-- and was exceptional at his job. He reduced diarrhea among the neighborhood children by a significant 52 percent. He likewise cut pneumonia rates by 48 percent and the rate of skin problems by 35 percent.

What was his trick?

Great soap. Yes, that's right, Luby's big public health accomplishments were the result of great soap.

Luby knew that handwashing and simple sanitation were vital to reducing health problems. The locals comprehended this, too. They just weren't turning their understanding into a habit. Everything changed when Luby teamed up with Proctor and Gamble to introduce a premium soap into the neighborhood for free. Overnight, handwashing ended up being a satisfying experience. The new soap lathered easily and smelled delightful. All of a sudden, everybody was washing their hands due to the fact that it was now a pleasing activity.

Stephen Luby's story shows the final and crucial rule for behavioral change: habits need to be satisfying.

Making good behaviors pleasing can be tough. This is because of human advancement. Today, we reside in what is known as a delayed-return environment. You show up at the office today, but the return-- a paycheck-- does not come until the completion of the month. You go to the fitness center in the early morning, but you do not slim down overnight.

Regrettably, our brains evolved to manage an immediate-return environment. Our distant ancestors weren't thinking about long-term returns like saving for retirement or sticking to a diet plan. They were concentrated on immediate concerns like getting their next meal, looking for shelter, and staying alert enough to escape any close saber-toothed tigers.

This focus on instant returns can encourage bad habits. Cigarette smoking may give you lung cancer in twenty years, but, at the moment, it alleviates your tension and the yearning for nicotine. The instant hit from your cigarette will likely override the long-term costs to your health.

All this implies is that when working toward habits with a prolonged return, you need to try to attach some immediate satisfaction to them.

I can discuss this best by using the experiences of a couple the author knows. This couple wished to eat in restaurants less, cook more, get healthier and save money. These are objectives with delayed returns. To give their objectives a little immediate-return kick, they opened a savings account called "Trip to Europe." Whenever they eluded a meal out, they moved $50 to the account. The short-term fulfillment of seeing $50 land in that savings account supplied the instant gratification they required to keep them on track for the utmost, longer-term reward.

 

Idea 7.

Develop a structure to keep your habits on track, utilizing trackers and agreements.

OK, so we've learned how to establish excellent habits. But no matter how pleasant and rewarding we make our habits, we may still fail to sustain them. So in this last point, let's have a look at how we can stick to our good intentions.

One easy technique for making brand-new habits stick is called habit tracking.

Throughout history, many individuals have actually succeeded by keeping a record of their habits. One of the most popular is Benjamin Franklin. From the age of 20, Franklin kept a journal where he recorded adherence to 13 personal virtues. These virtues consisted of aims like staying away from frivolous discussions and to always be doing something valuable. Each night, Franklin would tape-record his development in each location.

You can follow Franklin's habit-tracking lead by using a basic calendar or diary, and crossing off every day that you stick with your selected behaviors. You'll find it effective— habit tracking is itself an attractive and satisfying habit. The anticipation and action of crossing off every day will feel good and keep you encouraged.

The next thing I suggest you do is to establish a habit contract that enforces unfavorable repercussions if you fail to remain on track.

Bryan Harris is an entrepreneur from Nashville, and he took his habit contract really seriously. In a contract signed by him, his wife, and his personal fitness instructor, he devoted himself to getting his weight to 200 pounds. He identified specific habits that would help get him there. These included tracking his food intake each day and weighing himself every week. He then established consequences for refraining from doing those things. If he failed to track food consumption, he would need to pay $100 to his fitness instructor; if he failed to weigh himself, he would owe $500 to his wife.

The strategy worked, driven not just by his worry of losing money but by his worry of losing face in front of two individuals who mattered to him. Humans are, after all, social animals. We appreciate the opinions of those around us-- simply knowing that someone is watching you can be a powerful motivator for success.

So why not set yourself a habit agreement? Even if it isn't as detailed as Bryan Harris's, contemplate making a dedication to your partner, your best friend, or one of your coworkers. If you agree upon a set of consequences for failing to follow through, you'll be far more likely to adhere to your habits. And as we've seen, adhering to a favorable habit, however little, is a surefire way to accomplish huge things in life.

Final summary.

Here's what we've found out.

A tiny change in your behavior will not change your life right away. But turn that behavior into a habit that you perform every day, and it definitely can cause big changes. Changing your life is not about making big developments or changing whatever you do. Rather, it has to do with establishing a positive system of habits that, when combined, deliver impressive outcomes.

And, I'd like to leave you with one final piece of advice: Use habit stacking to introduce brand-new behaviors.

If you want to develop a brand-new habit, you could try stacking it on top of an existing habit. Let's say you want to start meditating, however, you can’t find the time. Try thinking about those things you do effortlessly every day, like drinking coffee in the morning. Then just stack the brand-new habit on top. Dedicate to meditating each morning when you've finished your coffee, and grow on the natural momentum that comes from a habit you already have.

What does a day without boundaries look like?

Perhaps this: You wake up before your alarm sounds to make your children's breakfast. You have a huge meeting at work that morning and truly require time to prepare, but you still do not ask your spouse to help with the cooking. At work, the meeting isn't set up. It's not your job, however, you get all the equipment prepared anyway. Then, before you can even begin, your employer has actually asked you to organize the upcoming Christmas celebration. He would do it himself, he says, but he's simply too occupied. Of course, you agree. All this, and it's not even lunchtime!

Sound familiar? If so, you know how draining a day without boundaries, not to mention living without them, can be. That's why setting borders is both an essential act of self-care and an act of generosity to others. In the blinks that follow, you'll find out exactly how setting boundaries can work and, through theoretical case studies, find out how to put them into practice.

With these ideas, you'll discover

How letting individuals milk you also injures them;

How to fix typical boundary offenses; and

Why setting limits might be the most generous thing you can do.

Idea 1

Setting limits is an act of compassion.

Walls, fences, No Trespassing signs: when you think of it, your physical environment is delimited by all types of concrete limits. What's more, those boundaries exist for good reason. That barbed wire fence around a nuclear reactor? It's there for your own protection-- it protects you from accidentally wandering into a harmful zone.

Boundaries are just as necessary for your emotional and spiritual protection. Unlike physical limits, nevertheless, emotional and spiritual boundaries aren't laid out in a manner that's clear to everybody. That can make it tough to establish your own boundaries and recognize those of others. Worse, implementing your borders can make you feel mean. But it should not.

The crucial message here is: Setting boundaries is an act of generosity.

When you set a limit, you take ownership of your requirements, wants, and feelings. Yet when we do this and prioritize ourselves, we often seem like we're overlooking those of others.

Let's be clear: setting healthy boundaries doesn't imply you have no stake in other individuals' problems or spiritual issues. It just suggests that you're not exclusively responsible for them. As the Bible's book of Galatians teaches, you are responsible to others but for yourself.

Still confused by this difference? We can unload it with the example of a theoretical family. Let's call them the O'Rileys.

The O'Riley's are a loving household, but their child James has lost his way. He's been expelled from school and developed a drug problem.

The O'Riley's can take obligation for their boy's issues by enrolling him in another school and paying the fines when he's busted for drug possession. But will James resolve his problem? Unlikely. Functionally, he does not even have a problem-- his parents have shouldered it for him.

Additionally, the O'Riley's might own their responsibility to their son without taking duty for his problems. They can listen to him, support him, and take action to facilitate his sobriety-- all without stepping in to fix his problems for him. The O'Riley's are taking care of themselves by setting those borders. However, they're also looking after James. Setting limits is not simply an act of kindness towards yourself. It's an act of love towards everyone around you.

Idea 2

Boundary issues can manifest themselves in many methods.

Maybe you're thinking, "I'm assertive. I have no problem saying no. For that reason, I don't have a border issue." Well, boundary problems are available in every size and shape.

The key message is: Boundary problems can manifest themselves in many methods.

When most people hear "boundary problems," they picture a compliant-- that is, an individual who simply can't say no. A compliant is a doormat. Everybody takes advantage of them.

However though your limit problems might not manifest as compliance, that does not mean they're not there. You could be an avoidant, for instance. A limit is like a fence, remember? It keeps things that could cause you emotional and spiritual damage out. However, fences likewise have gates. Avoidants are so concentrated on developing a fence to safeguard themselves from the bad that they do not let the good in through the gate. When your boundaries are too strict, you have difficulty letting others in and sharing your sensations. You say no to help even when you need it.

Then again, you could be a controller. Let's say individuals never ever overstep your borders. Is it possible you're trampling on theirs? If you're the one in charge that e-mails all weekend or the friend that won't take no for an answer, you might be a controller. You may believe being a controller is a win-win-- individuals regard your boundaries and you get what you desire out of them! However, that's a pretty cynical method to other individuals. Controllers' relationships are built on the worry and guilt they inspire in others, not shared respect or love. As a result, deep down, controllers rarely feel really loved.

Finally, you might be a nonresponsive. Nonresponsives don't just avoid taking obligations for others-- they likewise shirk their obligations to them. When others come to you with an issue, do you dismiss them with an unsympathetic statement like "Tough luck"? Then you might be a nonresponsive-- and other people might find it impossible to get near to you.

Plainly, there is a great deal of manner in which boundary concerns can manifest themselves! So while you may not be a compliant, do not be so sure that you're in the clear when it concerns boundaries-- you might still effectively have concerns.

Idea 3

Don't buy into typical misconceptions about healthy limits.

What's holding you back from setting healthy borders that enable you and the others in your life to thrive? Perhaps you feel that setting borders is selfish, or difficult to fix up with your faith. Christians, for example, may think about how the Bible quotes John as saying that how well they love others is a hallmark of Christ's followers.

However, to adore others well, we need to first love ourselves. And setting boundaries is an extensive act of self-love-- the idea that healthy boundaries are self-centered is just a myth.

The crucial message is: Don't buy into common misconceptions about healthy limits.

When you begin setting boundaries, you'll experience some myths and misunderstandings that might hold you back. For example, you may be reluctant to set boundaries due to the fact that you believe that setting boundaries harms others. Really, when a request for healthy boundaries in a relationship triggers hurt, it's the relationship that's to blame, not the borders.

Here's an example. Let's say you take ownership of your time by declining to babysit for your friend weekly. He gets upset and stops speaking with you. Have you hurt him? No. He's being unreasonable. If this unreasonable behavior is a pattern, then your relationship is asserted on overall compliance. If the relationship can't make it through with limits, then it's not worth keeping it alive.

There's a typical misunderstanding that individuals who set borders do so out of anger. And yes, you may experience anger when you begin to set limits on your own. However, what makes you mad is the hurt sensations that originate from injured limits.

Hurt borders happen when others do not appreciate your limits or do not permit you to set them in the first place. Many of us repress the feelings of hurt and anger that occur when our boundaries are breached. It's perfectly regular for that repressed anger to come to the surface when you begin to set your limitations. Boundaries will give you the space to overcome that anger.

Frequently, we're reluctant to set boundaries due to the fact that we believe they're irreversible. A boundary is only permanent if you make it so, though. Telling your mom to lay off on the parenting guidance does not suggest you'll never see her once again. As you deal with your relationship, you might even reach a point where the two of you are again ready to talk about previously-fraught topics like screen time and toilet training.

 

Idea 4

The journey toward a life with limits is long but rewarding.

Right before you're comfortable asserting limits, you may placidly accept limit infractions. You may think, "Carole always asks me to babysit last-minute, however, that's just her way." Or "Lin always puts me down in front of his pals. He's simply joking, though."

In time, you'll most likely experience animosity. This can be undesirable however beneficial-- the feeling shows you that you've stopped being contented when your limits are broken. So pay attention to it! That's your heart informing you an essential boundary has been violated one too many times. Observing it is the primary step towards a life of healthy boundaries.

The key message is: The journey towards a life with borders is long however fulfilling.

Ever tried to set borders with a controller or a manipulator? When they wish to use you, they won't take no for an answer. Their persistence in using you can be addicting-- it can make you feel needed and essential. Individuals who appreciate your borders, on the other hand, like those pals who don't make a fuss when you decline their invitation to Sunday lunch, won't give you this high. But when you begin your journey towards healthy borders, you'll find that you seek them out anyhow. Doing so is a clear sign you're recovering from your limit concerns.

Next, you'll discover to value and love yourself-- and as the authors see it, this also means loving God. When we're treated badly, our borders are broken over and over once again and we learn to treat ourselves as those who break our borders have. We do not steward the talents, gifts, sensations, thoughts, and bodies that Christians believe God provided us in the manner we should. If we can't like those things in ourselves, we can't enjoy them in others. So we fail God on that count, too. Finding and celebrating value in yourself is a crucial step on your journey.

After that, the next step is ending up being comfy setting small-stakes borders and unwinding personal limits that do not serve you. You'll inform your spouse not to always leave you with dirty dishes. You'll accept a buddy's deal to bring a dessert to your dinner party. Through recalibrating these smaller-sized borders, you'll find out to set and recalibrate big boundaries.

Eventually, you'll find that you love your healthy limits, and the space and respect they have actually developed in your life.

Idea 5

We initially discover borders from our families.

Are you a confident, high-functioning person who feels inexplicably depressed and insecure after spending time with your family? Do you love your partner but toss them under the bus to please your parents? Are you a grownup who depends on your moms and dads to deal with issues huge and small-- from settling credit card costs to helping with laundry?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you come from a household with boundary issues. What's more, those problems are forming the limits you set in your own life.

The crucial message is: We first learn boundaries from our families.

Whether you're continuously counseling your moms and dads or you run to mom and dad whenever life tosses a curveball, you're likely reenacting the border issues you learned as a kid. If you grew up in an environment where limitations weren't set or were too strictly implemented, that shaped your own mindset towards limits. If you originate from a household where issues weren't straight confronted or unacceptable behaviors weren't met with effects, you bring that vibrant into your adult life.

How do you break out of unhealthy patterns found in youth? Begin by identifying the problem-- where have you lost control of your requirements? Where have you taken ownership of needs that aren't yours, or pushed responsibility for your needs onto others?

Next, try and identify the unmet needs that underpin your limit issues. Why do you put your mother's needs above your own-- are you yearning for her approval? Why do you expect your dad to resolve your issues for you-- are you yearning his attention? Being aware of why you act can help you alter how you act.

Lastly, the next time your borders are breached, attempt to react instead of react. When you react, you act intuitively and unthinkingly-- and unless your boundaries are reputable, you're most likely to forget them when you're in the throes of an emotional response. When you react to a circumstance, on the other hand, you remain calm and sufficient to evaluate and examine the circumstance before you act.

What if you're dealing with a member of the family who squashes your borders consistently and hurtfully? Well, they do not necessarily require to stay in your life, but do not keep forgiveness from them. If you have not forgiven somebody, that implies you still desire something from them. Forgiving these offenses will provide you liberty.

 

Idea 6

Boundaries are the secret to a fulfilling romantic relationship.

Okay, you have actually got the message. Borders are great! Producing and preserving borders isn't simply a form of self-care-- it likewise offers you the area to much better care for others. In fact, healthy and lasting relationships depend upon limits being implemented and appreciated.

But what about when it pertains to marriage? After all, you and your partner remain in love and you share everything with each other. You do not even need boundaries-- do you?

Really, you do. They might not be diamond rings or long-stemmed roses, however, healthy borders are a loving presence to your partner and yourself.

The essential message is: Borders are the secret to a fulfilling romantic relationship.

When boundaries aren't established or appreciated, issues follow. Here are some couples who are struggling to set or protect limits:

Rosario thinks her husband Jim is a problem drinker. She can't get through to him when she asks him to stop. She says, "When you consume alcohol, I feel like you don't care about me and the children."

See the problem here? Rosario is exceeding a boundary by presuming what Jim feels. She's not owning her feelings. Rosario should try out saying, "When you consume alcohol, I feel afraid and alone." This is a healthier method for Rosario to address Jim's issue.

It is necessary to own your desires, too. Andrea has a demanding job and frequently brings work home. This frustrates her partner Caroline, who wants to hang around with her. As a result, Caroline ends up being withdrawn and angry at night. But Andrea's not the villain here-- the two simply have clashing desires. Caroline wishes to spend time with Andrea, and Andrea wants to catch up on work. If Caroline might take ownership of her desire and ask Andrea to set aside a few work-free evenings weekly, they'd both be better.

Finally, it's important to own your limitations. Rafael is proud of his home, and he's constantly developing do-it-yourself projects and roping Julie in to assist on weekends. This frustrates Julie, who can't devote time to her hobby, oil painting, due to the fact that she's too hectic with Rafael's jobs. In fact, Julie can spend time oil painting, but she will not-- since she's refused to own her restrictions. There are limitations to what we can give our partner without compromising ourselves. When we do not acknowledge and appreciate those limitations, we create resentment.

Each of these couples have their own issues, but the solution is always the exact same: They need to develop, maintain, and regard boundaries.

 

Idea 7

Borders also benefit friendships.

Here's a tendency that might sound familiar: You can assert your requirements to your partner with no problem. If your family members trample your limits, you tell them to withdraw in no unsure terms. However, when it concerns your friendships, you just can't appear to develop healthy borders.

That's a real problem. Beyond your partner and your family, some of the most meaningful relationships you have are with your friends. It can be all too easy to fall into bothersome patterns in these relationships if you do not develop healthy boundaries.

The crucial message is: Boundaries likewise benefit friendships.

So what do friendships without healthy boundaries appear like? Well, compliant good friends try to please each other, each acquiescing to the other's desires. It's simple to be compliant in a friendship-- after all, you like each other. You want to please each other. But this technique can backfire.

Let's look at Tom and Andy, 2 compliants who go out of their way to make each other happy. One weekend, the pair is faced with an option: they can go on a hike or go to a concert. Tom, wanting to please Andy, suggests the hike. Andy, wanting to please Tom, concurs. The problem? They both would have preferred the performance. Plainly, Tom and Andy need to be honest with themselves, and with each other, about how they want to spend their time together.

A compliant who is buddies with a controller, on the other hand, might find that her pal tends to walk all over her, leaving both of them dissatisfied.

Let's say a compliant called Becky is buddies with a controller named Soon-Yi. Soon-Yi controls Becky directly, by asking her to cancel weekend plans so they can hang out together. She's also manipulative, stating things like "I wouldn't ask if I didn't need you, however, I can't go to the celebration without you." Soon-Yi's needs make Becky feel used.

At first glimpse, it appears like Soon-Yi is at fault. Nevertheless, Becky has never ever given Soon-Yi any cues that she resents her habits. To bring back balance to their friendship, Becky needs to give Soon-Yi some loving feedback. If Becky is genuinely a good friend, she'll see this as a chance to make Soon-Yi knowledgeable about how her behavior is adversely affecting others. If Soon-Yi is truly a good friend, she'll welcome the chance to learn and grow.

Neither compliants nor controllers are necessarily bad pals-- but without boundaries, both these types can behave in manner ins which sour a friendship.

 

Idea 8

Individual limits are important in professional life, too.

Ahmed has a fantastic track record at work. He's a can-do person, a team player who always exceeds and beyond-- even when that implies working late nights and weekends. What's fantastic for his working life, however, is horrible for his family life.

Ahmed believes the problem is that he just can't say no. Ahmed's other half, Julia, sees it differently. Ahmed's great at saying no. He says no to his household all the time. He's just comfier asserting borders in his personal life than in his professional life. However, Ahmed needs to find out that borders are as important at work as they are at house.

The essential message is: Personal limits are necessary for professional life, too.

The tension of showing ourselves to be trusted and professional causes a lot of us to overlook our individual borders at work. But even if you're on the clock, your need for boundaries does not disappear. There are a few typical pitfalls involving work and limits. One is that in the office, you might be over-responsible, indicating you're always taking on responsibilities that aren't yours. You're motivated by the fear that an associate's undone work, or their uninspired efficiency, will reflect poorly on you. If this sounds like you, take a step back, own your problems and tasks, and leave others to own theirs.

Another common error is exhausting-- trying to handle more work than someone can possibly do! When you're strained with work, it can seem like your issue to deal with. But if you're constantly exhausted, you're not to blame-- your employer is; he does not understand how to allocate and handle work. Don't take obligation for an issue that's not yours.

It isn't simply managers who can be an issue-- colleagues who are repeatedly vital can be very difficult to deal with. But remeber how boundaries are everything about ownership? Well, you don't own anybody's negative attitudes toward you. If the situation requires it, you can challenge a colleague about her attitude, giving her a chance to learn and grow. But your coworker's concerns with you come from her-- and her alone.

Lastly, at the end of the day, keep in mind to produce a boundary between work and home by leaving work tension at work, and home stress in your home. Recognize that work is boundless-- there's always more to do-- however, your time is limited. Keep in mind, if you can't say no to work, then you're saying no to other things that make life worth living.

Final summary

When life draws out of control and relationships feel unmanageable, it's frequently due to the fact that there's an absence of limits. Boundaries empower us to own and resolve our own issues, desires, and feelings. They help us support others in their problems without carrying their burdens, and enable us to ask for and accept aid. Borders aren't simply required; they can be a source of love and delight in our lives.

Actionable recommendations:

Form a boundary support group.

It takes a great deal of strength to identify, develop, and keep boundaries in your life. Ever heard the saying "strength in numbers"? Form a boundary support system, where you can bend those boundary-setting muscles in safety. Discuss boundary-related successes and failures, and even evaluate boundary-setting out on each other!